yeah logically

i know i'm not right in the head.

i know reading my last post back, i sounded like an annoying crazy bitch. but to survive, i have to think of myself in a less negative light.

i am scared for my life. dramatic? yes.
but the way i've felt these past couple of weeks is an illness.

something in my head went wrong. or something in my body, or a marriage of the two.

i did not ask for it, it is not my fault. a confluence of factors came together, right time and right place (though it's all wrong!) and this is the result.

i want to get back how i felt before. happy, content feelings. an amount of anxiety, but nothing irrational and nothing terrifying. (except when leaving comfort zones/ doing something like flying)

i am holding on desperately to hope that there is HOPE. i have had rough times and made it to the other side. it's just that this one FEELS WORSE.

is this really generalized anxiety and not something far more sinister? some kind of brain issue?
a thyroid storm?

could i make it through an MRI? but no, the way this came on, it does seem like STRESS.

it's just that the stress is gone, it's time to calm down already!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!