This is My Brain-- On Stress

I managed to get into a phase of severe and acute anxiety.
It sucks!

It's pretty ridiculous, in fact. Some people want to help me, but exacerbate the situation. I do not want to get locked up because I have unrelenting anxiety.

I know right from wrong. I do not think I am a writing utensil, a sink, or a paper cup. I mean you no offense if you are one of those things. I mean if you are actually crazy, you ARE one of those things, you don't just 'think' maybe you are.

Which leads me to a further examination of what I've considered my insanity. If I were so crazy, I would totally not be cognizant of it.

When you are terrified of going crazy, and think, 'what if?' to no end, I am going to personally call that anxiety.

Anxiety, stress. Two partners in quite the hate crime, on an innocent undeserving mind and body.

Can Xanax and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy kick their ass? I am going to say that they better.
I am pretty exhausted, and don't know how long my body will last under such extreme pressure.

Please give me some respite from what ails me. I'm not delusional because I was afraid of my boyfriend when almost every relationship I had involved violence.

I am not in danger of self harm because I am afraid of 'what if I were in danger of self harm?' I am not unable to be alone because I am uncomfortable being alone.

Life is not perfect. I hit a roadblock, and I stumbled. Well fine, I totally fell flat on my ass. The thing is though, I want to fight to have my life back. I want to be strong, and I want to be better.

That is the only possible focus I can have right now. I can't have more stress at this time. I can't please people with expectations I cannot meet, and I cannot calm people with an instantaneous recovery.

My energy is in my battle, my struggle, and my determination to end this cycle of vicious anxiety so I can reclaim my life.

I don't know what will happen, but I know what I won't let happen along the way. I am not allowing any further stress and pressure into my world.

I only wish to communicate with people who 'get it' to some degree, and understand without adding panic.