Dear Thyroid

Dear Thyroid,

I swear I was pretty good to you. I don't drink, smoke, take drugs, not even 'prescription', which apparently are acceptable to commit suicide with, if you are a celebrity. For months now, I have avoided junk food and soda. I went to the gym every day as often as I could.

So, when I suddenly started to feel like I was taken over by fatigue, owned by it, and operated entirely by it, I knew you were the culprit. Thyroid, I just knew you were letting me down. I won't go into our prior relationship difficulties, but I thought we had worked things out.

I never felt this way before. I felt as though I was both lethargic, yet panicking, my skull packed tightly with little rocks. I would put something down, and within moments not remember what I d id with said something. I wondered if I ever had problems like this before, but couldn't remember.

I felt like I was going to fall over and die at any given moment. I felt like somehow, inexplicably, my life was over. Nobody seemed to understand how horrible I felt. I was blanketed with despair about my future, and terrified I would never wake up feeling rested again.

These feelings haven't changed. The only thing that's changed is I do know my thyroid stimulating hormone (TSH) is too high. I know what happened to me. What I don't know is how to get through every day for the next few months until I get re-tested feeling this way. I am walking around feeling like a side order of death is on my plate.

I had felt content and satisfied about my life more or less, now I am consumed by morbid thoughts more often than not. It's not real, it's hormones, or lack of them. Life is pointless, but I can still hope to maintain mine, without crying about every wrong thing in the world all day, alone in my room.

I don't want to self destruct. So thyroid, I am writing you this letter. Can you maybe think about spontaneously reversing your burgeoning failure, and get on board with my plans to not completely fall apart?

I know my life is pointless. I know I am infinitely useless in the scope of the universe, but you're in my body, so please be on my side!